Struggling As A Writer & Historian

I am not sure where to even really start today’s blog post. Mostly, my goal was to provide some of the latest updates about how I am doing, where the blog is going, and what has been going on. I realize that this blog hasn’t been the most consistent, which at times makes me feel like a failure as a writer and a historian. The struggle is very real for me.

When I began my writing journey several years ago, I was motivated, excited, and happy. The work was hard; however, it was fulfilling. So what changed? Why do I find this all so hard and how did it become a difficult task to remain consistent with my post? I know everyone’s noticed that the enthusiast girl who would post too much now will go weeks sometimes even a month or so before posting again. Where did she go?

The biggest explanation I can find within myself for this started when my mom died. I don’t know guys, when that happened something deep inside me changed. It is hard to find the words but things that use to make me happy just don’t anymore. The person I was a few years ago before she died just doesn’t exist anymore. I find life and every day a struggle. I am even tearing up just typing this because it upsets me. Failing isn’t something that will ever be okay. Giving up on my blog, my writing dreams, and being an historian just won’t ever happen. It is the only thing that I really want to do in life.  I will publish books but at the same time, you guys, I did go through not only a major tragedy, but also a real life changing mental and physical trauma. One I am still recovering from.

The problem is just what use to be so easy for me isn’t anymore. I have days where I am just missing her so much and just not mentally okay. I am sad a lot. Yes, it has been several years since her death now but finding my mom dead and doing CPR on her even though there was no hope of her waking up is not a trauma I have been able to over come easily. It also goes a lot deeper than that. There have been other struggles in my life and a lot of changes the last few years that have all piled up and at times worked against me.

Now my lack of writing also goes deeper than that. I am a student who just completed two successful college semesters while working a fulltime job too. Also, there are two kids who depend on me and I have family to care for. This takes a lot of my time and energy. A lot of times, I just am being lazy and tired which leads to a lack of motivations to get writing accomplished. It is a struggle that I work at every day, Some days go better than others but in the long run there is so much I want to accomplish with my writing, this blog, and out of life. I do have an amazing work ethic, just these last few years have been some of the roughest of my life. I am not happy a lot of the times but I’m not going to let that stop me.

Writing is my soul and fire. My only ambition. This blog is one I created out of pure love and joy. There will come a point where I am back to my old self and accomplishing the amount I want too. One thing about me is this. I will never stop. Writing and blogging are the very things that have allowed me to learn who I was in the first place. It gave me a purpose and there isn’t anything in life that gives me the fulfillment it does. As far as the blog goes and what comes next. I promise you all this, I am working on it. There is nothing more I want then to write about history, books, and share my short stories. I am sorry if I haven’t been consistent but I am finding ways to ignite my motivation and drive again. One thing that is important, is when I am not writing, it only makes me unhappier.

Nothing about any of this is easy though. I don’t think a lot of people really know the amount of work it takes to run a blog every week and all the nuisances that goes with it. It is hard work. Writing short stories, book reviews, and history articles takes dedication, discipline, and massive amounts of energy. Something that is easy to take for granted. One post can take days of research, writing, editing, revising, re-editing again, and then once it is posted, it doesn’t stop there. Social media is a job all in itself too. The massive amount of energy and time put into it can only be done if it is something you love. The work isn’t worth it if it isn’t a labor of love.

My plan is to get just back to the basics and love of it. Simplicity is the answer I need in my opinion. The focus will just be what I love. My goal is to make more time to just write and work on the things I love. It will take me some time to really find myself again but at least I am going to try. The best thing to do I think is just get back to root of it all without overreaching my focus and taking on too much that I get overwhelmed again. Getting back to the simplicity and love of writing is what will breathe life back into me and my writing.

So yeah, that is what basically has been on my mind all week as I try to encourage myself and find that inner ambition to plunge back in and get the work done. I thought it was only fair to express this. Fellow writers, bloggers, and historians I am sure can appreciate what I say when I describe what it takes.  One cannot be a writer if they don’t write. That is a conversation I had with someone this week earlier and it really helped. We talked about my stories and getting back to everything full force. Time is valuable.

I will end this post with saying that despite so much other things in my life taking my up my time, there is nothing that will stop me from my dreams. I will continue to fight, struggle, write, post, and live my life the best I know how and work to be happy. That is a promise.

Sincerely,
Sammy , author of The Chronicles Of History

PS. – I do have two groups on Facebook that may be an interest to my fellow writers, readers, history lovers, and authors. The first is called The History Table and it is a group where you can share your writing and history with others. The other one is called The Bookends Literature Group which is a must have group if you want to share the books you read, the books you write, and anything books! Links down below

Join The History Table On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thehistorytable

Join The Bookend’s Literature Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1872088963090550


 

 

42 comments

  • Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Wishing you all the best, and that you find your growth through all this discomfort. Keep on keeping on!

    Liked by 2 people

  • Hi,
    I just read your recent post. I truly empathize. I thought I would share a few thoughts in turn. I started my blog about 2 years ago. I needed to write and share my thoughts. I am 62 years old and have been writing all my life. I never worried too much about getting published. There is a post on my blog about “Political Traumatic Stress Disorder.” I think it discusses some of the emotional trauma you are clearly going through. You seem to feel the loss of your mother is the source—it may just be a triggering event. You may in fact, be responding (as I think I did and do—to the trauma of our times). My mother grew up in Germany in the 1920’s, was bombed by the allied air force as she tried to go to college, and was even at the Nuremberg trials. She lived to be 94. My father spent 2 years in WWII on the Russian front—he was from Dresden (you probably know what that means). He never could go back after the war. Iron curtain. Tough stuff. I saw the trauma of Trump coming with their experiences in mind. It creates endless stress.
    I have stopped worrying too much about whether my rate of blog posting keeps people happy or not. People write and are not published, they are published but not read, or –even when they are read— are often misunderstood. Nothing will change all that. Sometimes I post something and get 20 hits—sometimes just a few. Who knows why?
    I think every young writer should read Rainer Maria Rilke’s short book “Letters to a Young Poet.” He has very good advice for any aspiring writer—whether they do history or poetry (I do both). When I was young, I studied with a very notable American historian (William Appleman Williams). He was a great writer and teacher, but I don’t think he was very happy. If you have to choose between being a “successful” writer and being happy, I would say, be happy…
    Right now I am struggling to finish a historical treatise I started in 2002. It doesn’t get any easier—like you I just do it because part of me needs to. As Joseph Campbell once said, “Follow your bliss.”
    I also have about 5 manuscripts worth of unpublished poetry—what to do, what to do? I have stopped worrying too much about it. Lots of great art is buried in the ground. I travelled and lived abroad a lot and I know…
    When I was young a dry spell would leave me dejected—was I uninspired forever? Just done? It always came back. That didn’t mean it ever saw the light of day. Take heart and hang in there. If you like them and ever want to, you can share things from my blog (www.mind-cast.com).
    A final thought: A few weeks ago, I was part of a “zoom” reunion with old Peace Corps volunteers I served with 30 years ago. Suddenly this guy I liked, but didn’t really know that well, suddenly thanked me for changing his life—I had no idea what he was talking about, but I had loaned him a number of books I carried with me. They seemed to hit at just the right time. He has gone on to do some remarkable things. Never underestimate the power that a shared thought can have…
    All the best,
    Gilbert Schramm

    Liked by 2 people

    • Those were such strongly written and comforting words. Thank you so much. It really did help to know that im not the only who can get dejected over a lack of inspiration and Yes, you couldn’t be more right. It isn’t about the timeline. Whatever my pace happens to be is just fine. Why I am going to focus more on just writing and let the rest melt away. Keep my focus singular and enjoy the process again. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • Gianluca Cinelli

        Hi Samantha,

        First of all, I wish to express all my sympathy for what you’re going through. I am sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is to deal with such a blow. And in fact, you are brave to share all this with the community of your readers, people who appreciate your blog and work. I personally admire your commitment and the quality of your posts. Gilbert is right and wise as he implies that happy life has much to do with the balance between the good and the bad. After all, even the most challenging and distressing experiences in life can, in the end, result in a blessing. It takes love and courage, time and solidarity. Telling, storytelling, and sharing also make an effective antidote to the bleak feeling of estrangement. I appreciate very much that you were afraid of letting down the readers of your blog. Well, such a commitment should already say much about your vocation and desire to write. Just do it. As you can see, readers come. It may be hard and sometimes you might lose the thread or feel discomforted and too tired to carry on. Do not push those feelings away, be them, feel them, because they are you together with an entire universe of other feelings, desires, emotions, and memories. Sadness dwells in joy and the other way around, no matter how difficult it is to find that out. We are here reading your words and replying to you, it is worthwhile. Thank you.
        All the best

        Gianluca

        Liked by 1 person

      • Gianluca, I love what you said about balance and taking the good and bad together which can be a blessing sometimes. I really appreciate the encouragement too! Thank you Kindly!

        Like

  • Firstly, let me just say how sorry I am that you’ve found everything so difficult of late. Believe me when I say you’re not alone. A person who sails through life without anything affecting them in some way is a very lucky person indeed.

    I think it’s of more benefit though to look ahead rather than to look back. You seem to have started the process by admitting to your followers what’s been going on inside your head and that will help your readers to understand – but more to the point for you to unburden yourself.

    I read your previous post about Matilda of Flanders which I thought was fantastic. I really meant to get round to liking and commenting upon it, but to my shame I didn’t but I will try to rectify that later. One observation I can make about it if I may – and it’s definitely not a criticism – is that in some ways I thought it was so professional that I can see you like to strive for perfection as near as you possibly can. Maybe if you were to concentrate more on the things you like writing about, perhaps in shorter posts, then the love of blogging will mean more to you. I’m talking from experiencing the same thing myself. I’m trying to be helpful, not patronising obviously, because I haven’t got all the answers by a long way. either.

    In a way I think you’ve answered your own question about where you go from here. You’ve got so much talent, you don’t need to throw it all away and start again, just look at it as the next chapter in your book of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  • I’m sorry life’s been so rough lately and I’m glad to see you’re working through it. Please don’t be too hard on yourself and write when you feel like it, we’re not going anywhere and will always be here! I so appreciate you sharing and being so honest with us, I hope the journey eases soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  • My dear, your writing really is a cut above, in both content and style… You have a right to be tired. Even fields must lie fallow every few years. It’s a natural cycle, not anything to worry about. Be peaceful.

    Liked by 3 people

  • I understand because I lost my mother too. It’s hard and something you never get over; you just learn to live with it. It’s ok if you go weeks or even months posting new articles. Just do you and do the things that help you to stay motivated. The blog (and us readers) aren’t going anywhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  • HI Samantha,
    Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your heartfelt struggle with us. I truly empathize with what you are going through, you have a lot going on. Grief takes time, it is still young in your heart, it takes years before it settles into a more comfortable ache. You have a family to take care of, their needs are urgent, history can wait or is still being made. Sometimes just having life maturate in your heart will make you a better writer when the time is right. Ther is a time and a season for everything under heaven, and your heart’s deepest desire will bloom again, with a renewed depth of understanding and your writing will have added impact.

    Take time to grieve, take time for self-care, family care and in due course, your passion for writing will rise to the surface and you will be in full swing again.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Hi Samantha. Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I related to a lot of what you wrote in this post. First off, my condolences on your loss. I know how painful that is. I also know the challenges of balancing work, school, and family. It can be overwhelming. As far as your blog goes, I can only share my experience. I wrote consistently for 10 years, crafting analyses of texts, but I had to scale back and change the focus, as my new job requires more research and effort on my part. In the end, you can only do what you can do. Make sure it stays fun.

    All the best.

    Jeff

    Liked by 2 people

  • Hi.

    I love your writing – and like you I have had a major shift in my life. Rather than force out writing, which I find is not my best when I do, I have changed my weekly blog into a monthly one for now. Once I get back on track it will be weekly again, but right now it is just not possible for me.

    Yes, you have a lot going on, but it also shows how strong you are as a person. Keep going. Nothing stays the same. Learn from it, grow and you will be back to your best, only with more passion and determination.

    One step at a time, one moment at a time……..You got this!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Awww thank you for this message! I don’t think there is nothing wrong with going at your pace and stepping back to make sure your still having fun and enjoying the process of it all. The thing is, we can only do our best, and that will always be enough. You got this too! I am sorry to hear you have been going through some shit too. Big hugs. Keep your head up ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  • I’d like to echo one comment made above: life changes you. Not just the big events, but the small ones, too. Maybe, maybe one problem is that you’re trying to fit your goals of being a writer and historian back into the “clothing” you were wearing a few years ago, the you of those days. The you of today may decide there are other, better ways to pursue your goals. Give yourself time, and cut yourself some slack if your first few attempts don’t quite work.

    Even just writing the blog can change you. One blogger I know went from “just wanting to get her stories out there so at least one person would read them,” to “I want to self-publish and let more people read my books.” So that’s what she’s doing now and is happy and far too busy with it! Me, I’ve hit a wall in writing fiction on my fiction blog; what I want to write next requires times and drafts that don’t fit the blog format. And my history blog has gone derelict because . . . yep, a mother’s death, in 2017, exhausted me emotionally. So I’m recalibrating, too.

    Best of fortune to you, recovering from your life’s stresses and in finding your way.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much Brian for all the kind words and wisdom! I really appreciate it and all the support you have shown my little blog. It means the world to mean and I always looked forward to your comments! You are the best and what you say is true. Things change and I will roll with the punches. Adapt and keep conqeuring. Being happy is important. 😁

      Liked by 2 people

  • Thank you for sharing those community links to your Facebook groups. Looking forward to learning more history thru your posts, but healing and resting can be a weeks, months, years long process. Hoping you take care of yourself too.

    Liked by 2 people

  • “Social media is a job all in itself too.” This sentence jumped out at me. You are right, there. Also, you are juggling a lot of responsibilities, and writing needs some kind of quiet space … not just physical space, but also mental and emotional space. I hope you will ease into it like how we slowly enter a bathtub filled with warm water. All the best and I hope you will achieve all your dreams.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Sending hugs to you on your loss. It’s not easy at all to lose someone who is an integral part of our lives. Be patient with yourself, sit with how you’re feeling when you need to and process it. You need to cry for an hour? Do it! You need to scream because you’re angry or frustrated? Do it! Grief doesn’t have have the same timeline for everybody and that’s ok. Please don’t feel like you “need” to do something to keep others happy when you’re just not feeling it. We’re all humans having a human experience, if others can’t understand why you need to pause or do things differently, that’s on them, not you. Sending positive and healing thoughts your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Pingback: Struggling As A Writer & Historian – Glennis Annie Browne – Author

  • I’m so sorry for your loss. Many of us writers struggle with motivation and being in the right mental space, when without going through something so traumatic. Hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! I’m doing pretty good at the moment. I redesigned my site, made a new quiet writing space for the evening, and it’s helping. Feel like this week has been really good with getting things accomplished. Thank you so much for the kind words and support! ❤

      Like

  • I quitted writing a couple of years ago and I write my blog only when I have time. Once I thought that writing was my only way to find happiness.
    And, you know what! It isn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  • Thank you for this post, Samantha, I found it inspiring. I lost my son eight years ago and I found myself facing a wall. It took me a while to start climbing again. There’s always a wall and the things we do, writing, painting, living are our means of going higher. I’ve been in a bit of a trough lately – haven’t we all with this wretched pandemic – but having taken a break on a beach mobile for some weeks doing nothing, I am about to start scaling that wall again. Your piece was just the encouragement I needed. Keep it up!

    Like

  • You’ve got this girl. You rock. You’r an inspiration to so many.

    Like

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