I am not sure where to even really start today’s blog post. Mostly, my goal was to provide some of the latest updates about how I am doing, where the blog is going, and what has been going on. I realize that this blog hasn’t been the most consistent, which at times makes me feel like a failure as a writer and a historian. The struggle is very real for me.
When I began my writing journey several years ago, I was motivated, excited, and happy. The work was hard; however, it was fulfilling. So what changed? Why do I find this all so hard and how did it become a difficult task to remain consistent with my post? I know everyone’s noticed that the enthusiast girl who would post too much now will go weeks sometimes even a month or so before posting again. Where did she go?
The biggest explanation I can find within myself for this started when my mom died. I don’t know guys, when that happened something deep inside me changed. It is hard to find the words but things that use to make me happy just don’t anymore. The person I was a few years ago before she died just doesn’t exist anymore. I find life and every day a struggle. I am even tearing up just typing this because it upsets me. Failing isn’t something that will ever be okay. Giving up on my blog, my writing dreams, and being an historian just won’t ever happen. It is the only thing that I really want to do in life. I will publish books but at the same time, you guys, I did go through not only a major tragedy, but also a real life changing mental and physical trauma. One I am still recovering from.
The problem is just what use to be so easy for me isn’t anymore. I have days where I am just missing her so much and just not mentally okay. I am sad a lot. Yes, it has been several years since her death now but finding my mom dead and doing CPR on her even though there was no hope of her waking up is not a trauma I have been able to over come easily. It also goes a lot deeper than that. There have been other struggles in my life and a lot of changes the last few years that have all piled up and at times worked against me.
Now my lack of writing also goes deeper than that. I am a student who just completed two successful college semesters while working a fulltime job too. Also, there are two kids who depend on me and I have family to care for. This takes a lot of my time and energy. A lot of times, I just am being lazy and tired which leads to a lack of motivations to get writing accomplished. It is a struggle that I work at every day, Some days go better than others but in the long run there is so much I want to accomplish with my writing, this blog, and out of life. I do have an amazing work ethic, just these last few years have been some of the roughest of my life. I am not happy a lot of the times but I’m not going to let that stop me.
Writing is my soul and fire. My only ambition. This blog is one I created out of pure love and joy. There will come a point where I am back to my old self and accomplishing the amount I want too. One thing about me is this. I will never stop. Writing and blogging are the very things that have allowed me to learn who I was in the first place. It gave me a purpose and there isn’t anything in life that gives me the fulfillment it does. As far as the blog goes and what comes next. I promise you all this, I am working on it. There is nothing more I want then to write about history, books, and share my short stories. I am sorry if I haven’t been consistent but I am finding ways to ignite my motivation and drive again. One thing that is important, is when I am not writing, it only makes me unhappier.
Nothing about any of this is easy though. I don’t think a lot of people really know the amount of work it takes to run a blog every week and all the nuisances that goes with it. It is hard work. Writing short stories, book reviews, and history articles takes dedication, discipline, and massive amounts of energy. Something that is easy to take for granted. One post can take days of research, writing, editing, revising, re-editing again, and then once it is posted, it doesn’t stop there. Social media is a job all in itself too. The massive amount of energy and time put into it can only be done if it is something you love. The work isn’t worth it if it isn’t a labor of love.
My plan is to get just back to the basics and love of it. Simplicity is the answer I need in my opinion. The focus will just be what I love. My goal is to make more time to just write and work on the things I love. It will take me some time to really find myself again but at least I am going to try. The best thing to do I think is just get back to root of it all without overreaching my focus and taking on too much that I get overwhelmed again. Getting back to the simplicity and love of writing is what will breathe life back into me and my writing.
So yeah, that is what basically has been on my mind all week as I try to encourage myself and find that inner ambition to plunge back in and get the work done. I thought it was only fair to express this. Fellow writers, bloggers, and historians I am sure can appreciate what I say when I describe what it takes. One cannot be a writer if they don’t write. That is a conversation I had with someone this week earlier and it really helped. We talked about my stories and getting back to everything full force. Time is valuable.
I will end this post with saying that despite so much other things in my life taking my up my time, there is nothing that will stop me from my dreams. I will continue to fight, struggle, write, post, and live my life the best I know how and work to be happy. That is a promise.
Sammy , author of The Chronicles Of History
PS. – I do have two groups on Facebook that may be an interest to my fellow writers, readers, history lovers, and authors. The first is called The History Table and it is a group where you can share your writing and history with others. The other one is called The Bookends Literature Group which is a must have group if you want to share the books you read, the books you write, and anything books! Links down below
Join The History Table On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thehistorytable
Join The Bookend’s Literature Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1872088963090550