2025 In Crisis – A Message From The Chronicles of History because I don’t Know What to Say
I had wanted to finish writing a book review as a way to get back to blogging but as I wrote, the post turned more into a rant that was not about the book. As many of you already read last week in A Tribute To Vennie Kenney. My grandmother passed at the beginning of the month after a long battle in the ICU. Her loss has been quite a blow to our family. The new year has begun on a terribly sad note to say the least. Please bear with me as I want to get back to posting though at this time in life, I’m not feeling my strongest. I’m just not.
I’m struggling with loss. I lost my mother in 2017, then my aunt Andrea to cancer two years later, and my mother’s mom passed away in March 2024, and now I’ve lost my other grandmother. I’m so tired of losing people. I take comfort in the love I shared with these amazing women but the void they have left in me is vast. They were so significant to me and it just hurts. I don’t have anything more I can say about it. Death sucks and I’m just trying to deal with it best I can. Sometimes I want my mom here. She would know what to do.
I just want to write a little bit about what an amazing woman my grandmother Vennie was to me. Honestly, she was home. That is the best summary I can give this woman. She was home. Whenever life was rough, her door was always open, always a safe space during darker times, and simply the home you always returned to. Grandma was the one who held everything together without fail, every time.
A lot of my childhood was spent living with her at various times in middle and high school. I was very close to her. I have so many memories and have taken away so many life lessons through her as I grew. When my mom died in 2017, I suddenly found myself becoming the legal guardian of my two young nephews, who are now grown up and are sixteen and eighteen, one in college already if you can believe it! At that time, it was my grandma who gave me somewhere to raise those boys. I can’t ever thank her enough.
She provided my family with a stable and safe environment, one that we all needed desperately to care for those kids and see them grow. They had gone through a lot, especially with losing my mother. So many changes. She was always a rock, never changing. We all needed this more than words can express. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for her. I truly believe that in the depth of my soul.
Vennie was smart, stubborn, silly, and one of the most hardworking people I’ve ever met. The amount of things she overcame is simply incredible. She married at a young age and had over a dozen children. A family that she sheltered, raised, and took care of. My family is very big. I can’t even begin to tell her life story because there are a thousand little things seeped forever into my heart.
I want to write about her character mostly and how I saw her in my eyes. One of my biggest memories is of her on my birthday surprising everyone with a trip to the zoo and then a BBQ swimming party in her backyard later that evening also on another birthday, she brought me what felt like a hundred Barbies in a massive box. Enough barbies to last me forever. I remember her driving us around in her big SUV, her smile, the smell of her chapstick. It’s mostly that smile I can’t ever forget. The essence of who she was will never go away.
In middle school, she would give me money every single weekend to go to this weekly dance at the recreation center, I would clean out animal cages for the small business she had raising and selling Hamsters, Mice, Rats, and Guinea pigs. I would spend hours with her learning about them while we blasted her Best of The Eagles tape and we would sing songs like Hotel California, Lying Eyes, Take it Easy, and Desperado. When I joined the FFA ( Future Farmers of America), she gave me my own row of Hamsters to care for and raise.
During high school when I was part of the drama club, and writing a play about Lewis and Clark, she listened to the scenes I wrote and sewed me a beautiful period dress that was blue for my small role in the play. I was so proud of that dress she had made me. I had never been more impressed by anyone than her. There was nothing my grandmother couldn’t do. When a big wildfire forced an evacuation during high school, I remember staying in her RV in the parking lot of a Home Depot. Thankfully our house had survived the fire.
As I grew up, I remember all the times we would as a family take my grandfather’s boat out for the day. She would pack amazing lunches, and we would have a blast out in the ocean. All the many beach trips in their RV and flying kites on the beach. Some of the best memories from childhood surround her in some way or another. I remember big family Christmases and the family all gathering at her house.
I don’t know how to say goodbye. The fact she is now gone doesn’t feel real. It’s not a possibility. That is one thing you are never told about growing up. The fact is that as you grow into an adult, you start losing people. When you are young, you don’t think about those things and they don’t warn you about the losses you are going to face the older you get. I just hate it! It doesn’t seem to get any easier.
There are many things I want to say as a testament to her character because there was no one like her. She was one in a million. I truly hope that she is at peace. The family is going to be having a memorial for her in a couple of months. She wanted her ashes to be spread with my grandfather’s in the ocean. We are going to fulfill her wishes to rest at sea with her husband. There is a go-fund me to help support that. I will link it here: In Loving Memory of Vennie Kenney. Thank you kindly! I am going to end this post by saying that the one thing I failed to mention was what a badass she was. Vennie was a fighter. A tough-as-nails lady who didn’t take Sh*t from anybody.
I will try to get the book review and other posts I have saved out this week, and get back to posting a bit more. I am starting school again in February. I just want to try to distract myself with family, friends, my blog, school, work, and life. The hole is large, and I just don’t know what to say or do right now. A day at a time I guess?
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Only a couple of days ago I was wondering where you’ve been, sis. Since I didn’t hear from you in a while. I am incredibly sorry to hear of your loss. This might not mean much to you, but if you ever need a friend, you know how to reach me privately. Take a break. Heal. Don’t rush. We will all be waiting here when you are ready.
I appreciate it so much. I’ve been reading post all morning trying to catch up on what others are up to. Thank you for being here and caring!
Any time, sis. I genuinely know how hard it is to lose someone you deeply care about. I know saying things like, ‘its life’ doesn’t help at all when something is recent. I can’t tell you that I have the right answers. I don’t. But I do know how it feels though. And if ever you need me, I am only an email away.
Thank you. You are the best, and yes there isn’t anything to make it better. I just appreciate being able to write it all out here and just put to words what it is im feeling. Hugs. I hope all has been well for you and you had a good holiday season!
I am so very sorry. Thank you for sharing Vennie with us. What an incredible lady she was.
Take it steady and look after yourself.
Thank you very much!
So sorry for your loss. She sounds amazing, and she has been a rock for you and the whole family. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt memorial with us. And a day at a time, as you say. Big hugs. ♥
She really was and thank you Olga. I apprecaite you so much!
I’m so sorry that you’re going through such a difficult time. One day at a time, as you say.
Thank you.
Again, I’m so sorry for your loss, Samantha. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. This post is a beautiful tribute to Vennie.
She was a beautiful person and thank you for listening. It was nice being able to talk about some of my favorite memories of her. I think everyone in the family is still hurting too much but I know we all eventually be able to share in how wonderful she was to us all and laugh about the amazing person she was.
You’re welcome. Grieving is hard, and it takes time, especially when the person was so loved. I agree with you—the time will come when tears turn to laughter, and you will be able to fully enjoy the memories of her amazing life.
My deepest sympathy at your loss. Such a gift it was for her to have a granddaughter who could share the beauty of her life in words. Blessings.
She was a terrific person to have in your corner!
A day at a time is all you can do. It’s really hard to deal with loss like this, especially somebody who was so important to you. You say she was strong, but you are too. You can get through this.
It will just take time and grieving. And processing.
Unfortunately, dealing with this kind of thing can be such an individual process, so it’s hard to make suggestions. But do something that makes you feel good, or brings peace to you. That will help.
But just realize that it will take time. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, but don’t lose yourself in it.
You have a lot of people in your corner who are rooting for you, and who are there for you.
Rely on them, and on us, as needed.
I really appreicate it!
Losing people never get any easier. Now I am 72 I have lost all of my older relatives, and many of my close friends too, some who were much younger. I am now the oldest remaining male member of my extended family, and aware of the responsibility that carries. Loss is a part of life, and we have to learn to deal with it even at the most difficult of times in our own lives. You have both my condolences and sympathy, Samantha.
Best wishes, Pete. x
Thank you so much Pete!
What a beautiful legacy of love your grandmother gave you. There could be no better tribute to a person than to say they felt like home. Death and grief are never easy, and it is okay to say that you are not okay. Give yourself some time and some grace and take the days as they come. Sending you light and hugs in these darker days.
beautiful